tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post3749603813818142205..comments2024-03-27T22:07:57.614-04:00Comments on Diary of a Sewing Fanatic: #WhyIStayedCarolyn (Diary of a Sewing Fanatic)http://www.blogger.com/profile/02204627216540667980noreply@blogger.comBlogger95125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-67796970840252840062014-09-22T01:26:44.768-04:002014-09-22T01:26:44.768-04:00It takes alot to stand up and admit that you'v...It takes alot to stand up and admit that you've suffered abuse by the hands of someone you loved. I use to be one of those saying what I would do BUT maturity teaches you until you're in the situation you don't have a clue what you would really do. Thanks so much for sharing and thank God for your Ex having the courage to address his behavior and make the changes. Phyllis T. of Knitgirlll06https://www.blogger.com/profile/01380746901228122623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-66856777132756176432014-09-20T14:25:20.946-04:002014-09-20T14:25:20.946-04:00Thank you for sharing. The abuse dealt me was mos...Thank you for sharing. The abuse dealt me was mostly emotional, with one physical attack that has changed my vision forever. Did I leave? No. I was too afraid he would kill me if I did. I so, so wish I had come away with your strength and courage. I have been reduced to a shell of who I once was, and feel I will never recover from those 28 years. I am so proud of you and heartened to hear that the church counseling truly helped your ex. God bless.Nancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11926160625275737447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-15458016139575545902014-09-19T00:26:47.364-04:002014-09-19T00:26:47.364-04:00Wow, thank you so much for this honest and real po...Wow, thank you so much for this honest and real post. The more stories women hear, the more it becomes clear that none of us are ever alone--there is always someone who has been there. I am so glad you were able to heal in your marriage, and that you are the strong woman you are today!The Slapdash Sewisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11668474749166329852noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-5528469932259508882014-09-17T07:45:05.916-04:002014-09-17T07:45:05.916-04:00Thank you for sharing your story Carolyn. Many ye...Thank you for sharing your story Carolyn. Many years ago I too was in an abusive relationship. What many people don't realize is the emotional abuse that women suffer from in most of these relationships. Often this is the pull that keeps the abused in the relationship and puts them in the mindset that they somehow DESERVE the physical abuse. <br /><br />This is why, when I hear strong (and sometimes very rude) comments questioning why the woman stays in the relationship, I get sad and upset. The physical abuse is visible but the unseen, emotional abuse is the harder of the two to crack. This, I suspect, is the main reason Janay still married, and stays with, the man. <br /><br />The best thing anyone can do, as you said, is to offer help in a place to stay, etc. Offer a real, tangible way to get AWAY from the relationship. On the surface, the woman usually understands the physical abuse is wrong and they should distance themselves from it, but time away from the relationship is what will help the person realize the anchor holding them their is the emotional abuse. <br /><br />I take every opportunity to tell people my story and emphasize the emotional abuse aspect in the hopes it helps someone help an abused person sometime in the future and is why I so appreciate your post. Education on this topic is so important. <br /><br />Sharon G Nicholshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11121871965389227928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-55114531248943521712014-09-16T21:54:17.509-04:002014-09-16T21:54:17.509-04:00Carolyn, I can't wait to see this dress! You ...Carolyn, I can't wait to see this dress! You are one of my favorite sewing Sheros! You have totally peaked my interest and now I find that I am drawing inspiration from the St. John line myself. So much so that you got a mention on my latest blog.Alicia @ Pandora Sewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08323686857486398255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-47012052425750851732014-09-15T23:29:46.322-04:002014-09-15T23:29:46.322-04:00Carolyn, the only thing possibly more amazing tha...Carolyn, the only thing possibly more amazing than your post is the response you've brought out in so many people. I'm fortunate never to have been in a physically abusive relationship, but I was a in a very "happy" relationship in my 20s and I would have stayed in it if he hadn't gone back to his prior girlfriend. I thought I was happy despite the fact that he tore me down every day, compared me unfavorably to other women, belittled me in front of people, etc. It didn't seem like abuse because I only thought of abuse as being physical. People would tell me he was abusive and I would just shake my head no, because he didn't hit me. And when it really started to dawn on me how bad it was, I still couldn't walk away. I thought, "if he hit me, THEN I could say this is wrong." Thankfully he left before that ever happened, but I still think about it and remember how hard it was to actually believe I was being abused. <br /><br />I'm glad you're okay, glad the counseling worked at the time, and that you're happy now. We all have to live with scars from our pasts; it's just sad and surprising to realize how many scarred souls are out there.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00449229622474314815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-43205769352328616462014-09-15T04:11:33.449-04:002014-09-15T04:11:33.449-04:00I think one of the most misunderstood aspects to a...I think one of the most misunderstood aspects to abuse (physical or verbal) is how the abuser makes you feel about yourself!! Its so terribly destructive...but as more people speak up, the stronger we all become. God Bless you, God Bless anyone in this situation.the relocators....https://www.blogger.com/profile/13948685867135036515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-86024290186636636352014-09-14T18:21:40.476-04:002014-09-14T18:21:40.476-04:00Your'e right I never would have guessed. But, ...Your'e right I never would have guessed. But, that's true of many women. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope that it helps give hope to other abused women. Your suggestions on how to help are constructive and useful.Nancy Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02235347323004026695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-86623538151938934332014-09-14T09:07:52.159-04:002014-09-14T09:07:52.159-04:00Thanks for sharing Carolyn. I believe our story is...Thanks for sharing Carolyn. I believe our story is a talent, meant to be invested in others, because life is about relationship and about supporting and encouraging each other. You've shown us tools that can make a difference. Your ex's side of the story, while not pretty, is inspirational of the fact that we can - indeed - change. Myrnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08322129605868685006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-2073370876573903892014-09-13T23:05:20.207-04:002014-09-13T23:05:20.207-04:00I think we, everyone, is lucky that people like yo...I think we, everyone, is lucky that people like you are here with us. I'm not sure that makes sense or expresses how I feel correctly, but it's true at least.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-87752650923253825862014-09-13T22:19:35.621-04:002014-09-13T22:19:35.621-04:00Carolyn, I think it's so important to share yo...Carolyn, I think it's so important to share your story. I have never been in a similar situation but know others who have, and you have given me considerable food for thought on what I can do to support them whether they decide to leave or to stay. Thank you.thornberryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14503174766017894067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-18759344785529211132014-09-13T19:13:30.305-04:002014-09-13T19:13:30.305-04:00Thank you for posting your experience Carolyn. As ...Thank you for posting your experience Carolyn. As a long time reader of your blog I never would have guessed at what you have gone through. I am currently in an emotionally abusive relationship. It has improved but I continue to be affected and I continue to feel ashamed. Reading your post and the comments below have made me feel less alone and that its okay to get help.<br /><br />Thank you, <br />MelissaAudrey Chrysalishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13135258531943025410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-45022745867253163502014-09-13T18:27:29.765-04:002014-09-13T18:27:29.765-04:00It is very brave to share such a history. Thank yo...It is very brave to share such a history. Thank you.BeaJayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14071033898844018967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-74648692876615271382014-09-13T12:42:43.118-04:002014-09-13T12:42:43.118-04:00Many words ring a bell with me but a door opened a...Many words ring a bell with me but a door opened and I walked through it to a different life. Many women see the open door but cannot walk through, they are trapped by invisible chains. We must pray for them for they are our sisters. Thank you, Carolyn for being a strong woman.mrsmolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16329515914613595719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-25655059813125419932014-09-13T10:02:09.573-04:002014-09-13T10:02:09.573-04:00Along with everything else that everyone has menti...Along with everything else that everyone has mentioned, what I appreciate about your story is that your husband got counselling and took the help on board. I think this is important to hear too. It's not often you hear the positive results of counselling in these situations.Summer Flieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17092393256871735567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-23999439953193369872014-09-13T09:35:22.007-04:002014-09-13T09:35:22.007-04:00I think its important to talk about too, because I...I think its important to talk about too, because I was ashamed. I wanted to be tough and strong and independent. But sometimes being strong is actually asking for help. thanks for sharing. Its really hard to do. I shared a little on twitter the other night and then almost had an anxiety attack wondering what people would say. But my friends were supportive. One stranger was bullying me, but I have the resources to deal with that now. Glad you're doing well now. kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05379696054892160590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-23118033099631716132014-09-13T08:57:33.179-04:002014-09-13T08:57:33.179-04:00I meant to add that domestic violence is not only ...I meant to add that domestic violence is not only an offense that is perpetrated by men. The violence I witnessed as a child was not instigated by my dad, but by my mother. <br /><br />I mirrored her behavior and was shamed by it. Thank God I made up my mind to do whatever was necessary to break that cycle. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03234366085172090247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-35225151580988770232014-09-13T08:47:49.637-04:002014-09-13T08:47:49.637-04:00Beckie - I, too, grew up in an abusive home. My ...Beckie - I, too, grew up in an abusive home. My brother and I deal with it in different ways, but we are both still carrying the scars. As a result, I swore that no one would ever abuse me. Instead, I was verbally and emotionally abusive to two husbands... a 5'4" 120 pound bully. I am now in my 60s and on husband number 3. Although I've occasionally been tempted to repeat those old behavior patterns, I am grateful that through counseling I have learned to control my mouth and my temper. <br /><br />The scars will never go away but peace is possible. I was haunted by memories of yelling, screaming and fights for many years... not only my parents, but myself as well. It takes time and counseling, but we can learn and grow from our pasts and our own mistakes. <br /><br />Eventually, I made peace with my two former husbands. #1 passed away last year. I will be forever grateful that we were on good terms the last few years of his life. #2 and I are now platonic friends. We see each other once or twice a year and communicate via social media, text message and e-mail.<br /><br />Thank God, #3 is the kind of person whose self-confidence is in no way threatened by this friendship.<br /><br />I pray that you will one day find the peace that I have, release the ghosts of your upbringing and have a beautiful life. You deserve it. What happened is not your fault. You don't say how old you are, but now that you are an adult, you owe it to yourself to take whatever steps necessary to have true peace in your life.<br /><br />May God bless you.<br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03234366085172090247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-21609157518489569052014-09-13T08:11:40.434-04:002014-09-13T08:11:40.434-04:00Carolyn - You are very brave to share your very p...Carolyn - You are very brave to share your very personal and obviously painful story. I applaud you for stepping up. I pray that your story is helpful to the countless women and men out there who are suffering in silence. As a minister, my own eyes have been opened by you. Although we are trained to look for the signs, this has made me more acutely aware of how important it is to step up when/if abuse of any kind is suspected. <br /><br />As a result of your courageous revelation, I will definitely be more alert and proactive. Seriously considering making this issue a sermon topic. This is something that should be discussed from the pulpit on a regular basis. Thank you for opening my eyes. God bless you. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03234366085172090247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-75652389840642501992014-09-12T21:01:36.024-04:002014-09-12T21:01:36.024-04:00Thank you for this. Your perspective is an importa...Thank you for this. Your perspective is an important one in this discussion. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-67987363582414518762014-09-12T18:07:42.928-04:002014-09-12T18:07:42.928-04:00Thank you. It is hard for a strong woman to admit ...Thank you. It is hard for a strong woman to admit she was once in that place, but it takes a stronger woman to share it so someone else can be strong. Again thank you.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00589088509970822837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-61589064171440070092014-09-12T17:07:44.477-04:002014-09-12T17:07:44.477-04:00Sorry for my poor grammar...Sorry for my poor grammar...Robynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04909309793191033875noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-6475837021289596322014-09-12T17:06:00.813-04:002014-09-12T17:06:00.813-04:00Thank you for your post. I'd like to pick up ...Thank you for your post. I'd like to pick up on one thing you mentioned: When women say "I would NEVER (fill in the blank)", you often shut up friends who want or need to share something. I know that's not your intention, but it's something to think about. The truth is, you really don't know what you would do. Or when. Robynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04909309793191033875noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-1231372298931600302014-09-12T16:59:46.930-04:002014-09-12T16:59:46.930-04:00You are brave. Thank you for sharing this.You are brave. Thank you for sharing this.Cathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13003983542358714609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20705637.post-75122814505037466312014-09-12T16:39:13.056-04:002014-09-12T16:39:13.056-04:00Thank you for sharing your story and for inspiring...Thank you for sharing your story and for inspiring others to share theirs. Dr. Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12646564373235223579noreply@blogger.com