Tuesday, May 12, 2009

An Explanation...

Several days ago, I wrote the post "Bits and Pieces." One of the bits was about something that was at the forefront of my mind, so I wrote about it. I politely asked that no comments be shared about what I had written. I was impolitely ignored, so I shut the comments down.

I would prefer not to delete or moderate comments. My life is just too busy for this censuring process...so closing off the comments seemed the only solution because I am just not moderating what I write on my own blog.

At the time I was extremely upset that my wishes were disrespected. I have written over 500 blog posts...some fluff, some political, most of a sewing nature. It is rare that I don't allow people to comment because I truly enjoy the discourse...even when the comments have been borderline rude. However, this time the presumption of knowing me, supposedly caring for me and offering unasked for advice based upon those same presumptions annoyed the hell outta me!

As Cidell so eloquently wrote, "this is my blog!" Visit or not visit, "ooohhh and aahhhh or not", think what the hell is she thinking and quietly move on...but please, please, please do not disregard my wishes. If you think you know better than me...keep it moving!

I have a newfound respect for anyone who puts themselves in the public eye and it took me a minute to be able to speak on this coherently. I don't think any of us who have sewing blogs wants to discourage conversation or opposing viewpoints. We aren't just looking for someone to pat us on the back or agree with our every statement. We are just looking to share about the thing we love most and a little of our lives and other passions, too.

However, I do believe that the time has come to draw a line in the sand about this disrespectful, mean-spirited and nasty behaviour. Enough with the snarky comments...enough with hiding behind anonymous because you aren't man or woman enough to say what you really feel. ENOUGH!

So as my Mama use to say, if you have nothing nice to say...say nothing at all...and can I add to that keep it moving if you don't like what I'm saying...cause it's my blog and I'm going to talk about what I want, when I want!

NEXT!

57 comments:

  1. Carolyn, did you get a chance to see the Star Trek movie yet? I would love to hear your comment regarding the uniforms.

    Marie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Carolyn, I totally agree with you. I also believe that a little common decency should persist in those who write the blog posts - and your posts have always been respectful and honest and true to who you are. I respect that. We all need to be nice to each other, whether we agree or not, right?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Carolyn,
    This topic is near and dear to me. I've been having problems with this very thing for some time now. When I'm hit with a rude "anonymous" commenter and I rightfully tag their behind, you get that tired response: "Oh, I see... you only want positive comments." No, I only want RELEVANT comments. Like you said this is your blog... you can put any sort of content you want here. This is your spot!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sing it sister! I do moderate comments, for precisely that reason. It's cut down on the crap that I was getting, and the anonymous gutless wonders don't even try anymore.

    I saw Star Trek at the IMAX last weekend - it was a Mothers Day present from my boys. I thought it was GREAT!!! I can't wait to hear your take on it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I haven't had the (dis)pleasure of such comments, but I can't imagine why anyone would bother with the rudeness you guys are seeing. If you don't like the item, post, etc., move on. I love that most of us leave constructive comments, whether it be a vote on a fabric choice, help on a problem, etc, which I did on a previous post of yours concerning the plaid pleated dress, after you had closed off the comments. Whether you use my suggestions or not is your choice. It was a hopefully helpful (another set of eyes) suggestion with the best of intentions. I admire your work!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You tell em girl! I tell my kids all the time what your mama told you and I know my mama told me a million times "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all". I am an honest person and I like people to be honest with me but please keep any rude comments to yourself. You can give your honest opinon without being ugly. And when you request comments to be left out I agree they should just shut up and read it and move on. But you know people some are like children they are going to do just the opposite of what you ask just in spite. Ugh.......
    By the way, love your work. I am a women who needs to change her weight and I have a very hard time sewing for myself but have just decided to give in and do some sewing for myself because I see so many blogs where women have sewn some great garments for themselves and I am jealous so I am moving away from kids sewing and going to do some mama sewing. Thanks for sharing all your beautiful creations with us. Hugs.....

    ReplyDelete
  7. First - Star Trek was awesome, funny and full of links to the tv show. I loved it and can't wait to see it again.

    Some people are very mean and don't know when to shut their traps. I come across it all the time in political blogs. You have to have thick skin to play politics. They say and act in ways they would never do in front of you but online...they trash talk because they are weak people. I understand this behavior in politics but a sewing blog?.. What the heck is wrong with people? I didn't read any of the comments in your last post. One thing I've learned playing the political game it doesn't matter what other say or do to you. It matters what you say and do to yourself and knowing in your heart you are being true to yourself. I love who you are and what you do. I talk about you all the time in my sewing classes. You are one special person! I for one am thankful you share yourself with us.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Amen, Carolyn! You have said everything that I think every time I get a rude, disrepectful comment from that darn "anonymous" who appears to be commenting on EVERYONE'S blogs!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I too am dying to hear your Star Trek review. I'm seeing it this weekend and can't wait. Who knew you were a trekkie too?! Another reason to love you. Like we needed another.

    And good for you for calling out that commenter.

    ReplyDelete
  10. XOXO. Amen Sister. I too loved Star Trek. That's the comment I wanted to leave. And to urge you to see if witha quickness. Capt. Kirk is my new boyfriend.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm just amazed at how rude and insensitive people can be . . . actually, I shouldn't be anymore! I don't have a blog, probably will never have a blog, enjoy reading YOUR blog and several others, and can't fathom why anyone would post a nasty comment! Keep up with what you're doing . . . I've learned a lot from your postings!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Carolyn I got a magazine in the mail today and one garment in particular reminded me of your TNT dress pattern. I am going to scan it and set it to you. Then I'm going to dig through my pattern stash because I am sure I have the pattern that you used!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Carolyn - Ditto from me, also. I used to be a member of a chat/blog where things got really nasty and I left but not before saying, "Ahem - folks, something to remember -- this is so and so's electronic livingroom. You would not walk into someone's front door, throw a bag of manure on the floor, hit them over the head and walk out, would you? Well, that's what has been happening here and it's NOT the way we should always treat folks who blog. It's THEIR blog, their livingroom. If you don't like it - take yourself someplace else!"
    Oh, and I too saw Star Trek over the weekend - waiting for your two-cents!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Im sorry people were disrespectful of your wishes. And thank you for calling them out. Really, you said it very well and I applaud you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am so sorry that people not only commented against your wishes but that some comments were obnoxious. I don't often comment but I LOVE reading your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Like Allyn Humphries, I too love reading your blog, (as well as a couple of others). What you write in your blog are your thoughts and ideas and are not there for people to snide at - especially those who hide behind the "anonymous" label. They are sad creatures, and should be forgotten about. You keep up the good work of cheering up the rest of us.

    ReplyDelete
  17. My comment has just gone through under "anonymous", despite my having put my name in. Perhaps that happens to other people.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I've had to do a little monitoring over some comments left over a couple of posts. Some were really ugly and hurtful and directed at a very painful part of my life already. But I know that there are true a-holes out there. I just don't want them commenting on my blog. My blog, my thoughts, my choices.
    I'm sorry you had to shut down and am glad you're back. Carry on and keep sewing.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I so agree. We don't want just positive comments. Constructive criticism is as welcome as praise. All we demand is respect. May the commenter never forget that behind the blogger is a true person!

    Anyway, if they were sure they weren't doing something they wouldn't do face to face, these people would never post as anonymous.

    I love your blog and your beautiful distinctive voice, Carolyn. You have a very special place in our community. Thank you for bringing us so much!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Carolyn, I commented on Cidell's post and I agree that one should own their opinions and not hide behind anonymous status (as if that truly exist online, anyway) to say mean/rude things to people for no apparent reason.

    However, I was frustrated, as I stated, that you gave us BIG news and didn't want us to comment.

    Above all, know that you are a valued blogger. I've been reading your blog faithfully for a year now on Google Reader.

    My first reaction was to worry about you. Then I thought "what will she do with all those fantastic dresses?" and after that I thought "Wait, that means we get to see MORE of The Collection".

    Little did I know that others would react in a crazy, trollish way. You were in your right, as the owner, to delete and block the comments on that post.

    BUT I was a bit annoyed, to be perfectly honest, that you didn't want to talk about AT THAT TIME. See my reasons above.

    I don't care what size you are Caroline. I just want you to slash and spread patterns for a while longer. (and Kashi needs your biz *winks*)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh yeah, Captain Kirk is hot!
    I am sorry that you were upset by so many thoughtless people. Your honesty is one of the wonderful things about your blog. I can't help but think that all those snarky celebrity sites feed this belief that people can say anything anywhere and it's ok.

    ReplyDelete
  22. STAR TREK was AWESOME!!!! you'll love it!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi Carolyn, I tried to comment on your summer dresses. I just subscribed to Lucky, and that page of dresses had one on the bottom row that looks a lot like the new Vogue we both purchased! Are you making it soon? We still have spring, I had a fire in the fireplace YESTERDAY but I'm thinking I might bare my shoulders for this (!). Did you notice it? K

    ReplyDelete
  24. I have seen Star trek too, but in French. I think the VO is more fun. Anyway, it was pleasant to see. But I had not think of a sewing review. Curious to see that also.
    Re comments on your last post, only you can decide who you are, what you have to do with your life and so on. So please, continue this way, I like your blog very much.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Amen
    I so agree with you Carolyn

    ReplyDelete
  26. It is an unpleasant consequence of posting anything on a blog. There are people that will not agree with what you have said. I have gotten very hateful comments on my blog. If they are personally offensive, I moderate them. If they disagree with what I have said, I let them go. I think as a blogger you have to develop a thick skin. Remember, everyone on the internet can read what you have written and most of them are NOT going to agree with you! If you are lucky, you will get a well-written dissident opinion which most of us will accept. Unfortunately what most people get is a garbled attack, which is highly offensive. If you are interested (or anyone else) I did write a post about commenting on my blog, it got a lot of page hits so it must have resonated with the masses. :)

    http://www.lifenotforliving.com/please-before-you-comment/

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hola chiquita! I emailed you on this topic.

    Must. See. Star Trek! Didn't think this would be on my must-see list but everyone is raving about it.

    And must get geared up for tomorrow night's LOST finale!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm sorry that you may have medical issues which will force a change you don't necessarily desire. But that is your business, and nice of you to tell us about, but I respect your wish to not have comments. I have gotten a couple of rude comments, always posted by "anonymous", of course, but not nearly as many as you, since many more people read your blog. Keep saying what you want to say, because whether we agree or not, it's good to hear the opinions of others. And there are more than a few people out there who need some manners, too, so give them a dose if need be!

    Hope your Mother's Day was wonderful. Did you get to see the new grandbaby? He is precious!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hugs to you! Seems like it is something in the water, as you haven't been the only one recently. Good for you for standing up and keep doing what you're doing - you're inspiring and I love your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  30. It IS your blog, and I'm glad for that. You go girl!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Thanks for checking back in. I saw the comment that you are talking about. I was shocked that someone would be so mean to write against your wishes. I feel honored to read what you and other bloggers write. For someone to take time to record how they sew, share their thoughts, ideas, is special. This special group of people provide inspiration and company in the solitary world of sewing.

    I'm going to see Star Trek this weekend. I hope the Little Prince and his grandmother enjoyed his first Mother's Day.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Lucky has been hit and miss with me lately, but that spread you showed in your last post was great! I've been thinking about bold printed skirts lately.

    Star Trek is on my must-see list. I never liked any of the shows, or the other movies for that matter - but I think watching the backstory will be interesting. Plus I'm in agreement with Cidell - Captain Kirk is pretty yummy.

    You are absolutely an inspiration to me in so many ways - most importantly is your strong sense of self and your level of confidence. I have always had issues with that myself, but when I discovered sewing blogs and seeing the multitude of diverse women "making it work" that I've finally begun to embrace my talents and making them work for me. Thank you for that.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hey. I don't do rude/out of line people either. Not.At.All. I experienced that early in my internet life and it changed my blogging/participation unexpectedly and forever. Too much H**l out there for free if you know what I mean. Glad you shut down comments on that post.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Love you blog! That said, I found it so unfortunate that because of the cowardly-anonymous pot-stirrers, you had to use up today's post on them. I visit and read your blog because you're not like them. Keep it coming! =)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Wow, has everyone seen Star Trex already? I really want to see the movie, but I hate those first day lines. I'm told by my friend that' way we have computers so we can buy our tickets in advance and just walk to the head of the line.
    Why are people who use anonymous able to leave comments? If you can't identify youself you can't leave a comment.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Carolyn, there will be more and more of that as the blog network grows and overlaps with other blogs. I am always surprised to see a link to certain blogs all over the place. We can't go back to the tight and supportive group of blog readers that once were out there. I can't see a soulution except to ignore any rude comments. All comments are faceless, well most of them anyway. So accent on the positive and try to forget the others.
    Marguerite

    ReplyDelete
  37. come to philly- we'll do star trek and Jomar :) see? all better :)

    ReplyDelete
  38. 1.Wasn't interested in seeing Star Trek - I'm kinda Star Trekked out(semi-trekkie from the '60), but with everyone's comments maybe I'll go see it.
    2.Carolyn, sorry there are so many hard headed and rude people out there; I've been reading your blog since November 2008. I think its great.

    ReplyDelete
  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Carolyn,
    Your blog is great. I have been inspired to make a TNT dress pattern. Haven't done it yet, but want to!

    I have not seen Star Trek. Will see it soon.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My posts show up as anonymous but I always sign the comments when I manage to post something online. I am not very good with the computer blog thing and this was the only way I could comment here. Your blog has been very helpful to me and several of your tnt patterns I have tracked down and have serious plans for. I think it is rotten for people to be rude online just as it is anyplace in the world so please know I am not an anonymous ugly commenter. I consider a blog a personal social invite into that part of someone's life they are willing to share and some of the sewing blogs like yours are such a happy place to drop into for those of us new to the sewing blog experience. I have been on a trip and missed any of the ugly stuff so am happy you were able to zap whatever you didn't care for. Life is stressful enough without letting the junk invade the sewing room. mssewcrazy

    ReplyDelete
  42. I'm glad that you are back posting--I enjoy seeing what you are sewing and creating (how you select fabrics and combine them into your own creation). I'm also glad that you took action by blocking comments, instead of just letting them land. Sigh. Regarding the tactlessness of commenters, I can't add anything to what else has been already said. I'm glad that you took a stand and that you are continuing to blog.

    I hope you have a chance to see Star Trek--it's great! I'm going to grab a copy of Lucky Magazine--that shot of the skirts looks very inspirational.

    Rose in SV

    ReplyDelete
  43. Well, I wanted to post in support, but I knew you felt strongly about that particular topic. So I bit my tongue and moved on. It's what you wanted.

    Umm, is that so hard? People have different ways of being and that needs to be respected.

    Mwah! love you girl!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Hope your Mother's Day was lovely. Probably won't see Star Trek, but can't wait to see what you thought of the "uniforms."

    Sorry you had rude people show up in your living room. I just don't understand people.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! (Clapping wildly with a standing ovation!)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Hey Carolyn,
    I don't think you even owe us this much of an explanation (though it is appreciated.) I always enjoy reading here - and love your sewing creations - they always inspire me to do better on my own projects.
    Blessings,
    Patti

    ReplyDelete
  47. Just stopping by to do a "Madea" holy ghost break dance through this post. I totally agree with you.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Just like anything else... try not to let this "stuff" get to you.
    You do such a great job sharing your talents with us... that's what I'm here for... bring on the sewing!
    Yep, those who can't, complain... those that can... well your a can do women! Thanks for all you do for your blog readers!

    ReplyDelete
  49. Aww man! Has everyone seen the new Star Trek already but me? And I can't go at least until the weekend. Boo-urns!

    I have to say I was pretty surprised that someone actually went ahead and did exactly what you asked no one to do. Particularly on a subject that is covered so thoroughly everywhere else. You don't need someone telling you stuff that you and the rest of the planet already know.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Sic 'em, Carolyn. It's your blog, you can write what you want - and I for one will always read it, and respect your wishes as far as comments go.

    And I'm with E - come to Philly, a trip to Jomar will make it all better. :)

    ReplyDelete
  51. hi, i like your blog :) i think it is good that you are standing up for yourself. i also love star trek but funds are low so i will see it when it hits the low price movies here. i am sewing a old school trek uniform to wear when i go.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Carolyn,
    I'm a little "late to the party" but I still wanted to contact you. I do use the anomymous notation, but only because I've forgotten my password. LOL, it's heck to get old. Anyway, I think you realize that I always sign my name and would not resort to any such unkind behavior, anyway. You know how much I admire your work and you personally, and it dismays me that anyone would disregard your wishes and resort to mean language.

    Karendee

    ReplyDelete
  53. Carolyn ,please forgive me for E-mailing you last week I just thought there was a glitch on your blog. I didn't even know you could disable the comments .Whoops.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I think anonymous postings are ridiculous. Own what you say. However, there are occasions (work) where anonymity might be good.

    Re: the weight loss topic - I will say that if you don't want comments on something, then it's better left unposted. The nature of blogs is to encourage dialogue. Can't or don't want opinions? best not to blog about it.

    As far as weight, I think comments (aside from cowardly types) are typically because we can commiserate and want to encourage. When I read your post - my heart went out to you and I wanted to say, "been there, done that, support your feelings & goals! do what you need to".

    So here we are now commenting on it. Basically, life's rough - let's support each other's attempts to do good things for ourselves and others.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Carolyn, one thing that is NOT gonna change regardless of any physical change you make is that you embody chic in a serious way and you inspire me every day to look my best!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! It is so appreciated.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails